June 30, 2007
Actually ah, now i very sleepy.
So i can't be bothered about my grammar or whatsoever.
So don't mind ah.
My eyes are heavy and has been heavy since forever but i just felt the need to say what i feel and say whatever i want without anyone judging me or thinking like wth is she blabbering about , nonsense! then dont read ah! nb. -.-
Anyway ah,
I am sad and my sorrows are deeper than the grounds burried underneath.
I am sad because i just realised im just a fucking loser to anything and everything.
I have a boyfriend yes and tts the only thing tt is keepig me alive now.
To be truthful ah i shall list what i keep on thinking about in my everyday life which is making my mind harmed and when i grow old like nenek these will be thoughts tt will haunt me for the rest of my life.
i will just say what i feel lah ah ok.
so whether it is reasonable and sensible to u or not tt one u go one corner den tink k if dont want den dont.
firstly ah, the 1 friendship ah tt i tried to gain since sec 3 when i fought with him abt fork n spoons tt one is plain stupid ah. pls grow up k get over things. sheesh look whose talking im not geting over it myself. but becos i knew the frenship was once so precious & it hurts ah when i go in my FIRST frenster account where he wrote for me comments which r super friendly . 2004 life was great.
I shall just give whatever i can vaguely. Here are all the things that i am sad abt.
- The fight with J since 2005 till now
- Going to his workplace and callin his name, no response at all
- The bitch who so freaking used to be called my best friend & had a secret blog hating me deeply in her heart
- In Feb when i bought the other a watch, wtf was i tinking
- I just want to be friends but it is tough becos bf can't handle it
- Just like how i can't handle abt lily
- The day in 2006 when it is my birthday but only two people turned up with a 2kg cake that father brought for me
- The day when my mother asked me where are my friends
- The day i realised i actually am not significant in other's lives
- When my hp screen calls & msges are only from bf & mother
- When they had to be in his house to settle it and be there for him but not me
- When she deleted my picture from her slideshow, like i said i am of no significance
- When he just told me to get over it & move on, without any tone of care or in malay called "pujuk"
- When i knew i had been there for him all the time, i thought i was at least sth special but no, maybe not so much. it hit me hard, i even called him to clarify & felt abit better. Still, i feel empty & hallow cos it just shows, how oblivious i am
- When he punched me in the face & walked out of my life
- When his sister started hating me ever since
- When i used my school money 10 bux to bake her a cake . it wasnt nice at all so i wanted to redo it with cuzz
- When all my respect for her is given and none to me
- When i see my classmates in poly & observe each & everyone of them. I swear they were happy, happy people who keeps contact with sec school friends and laughing & smiling. Except for me. They think im a happy person but im done being a cartoon.
- 22nd may is gone. i am not part of the 6 anymore
- 9 july
How long more can this mask be put on my face.
I am sad, if u think what is listed is pathetic then it is, but this is my blog and i can even choose a picture of poo in my blog and u dont have to care.
How to keep it in longer i do not know,
my mind is crazy.
longest entry ever.
shoot me. shoot me now.
Now They're Choosing Sides. At 12:15 AM
